I’ve been debating between a couple of topics for today’s post, which is a follow up to last week’s post Life with My 50+-Year-Old “Kid”. These posts give insight into life with my husband. After much thought, I’ve decided the next thing I want to share is the adorable, and sometimes frustrating and at times embarrassing, habit my husband has of renaming almost everything.
Early in our time together, I began to see a pattern. In Clarksville, where we lived previously, Kraft Street came to be known as “Hooters’ By-Pass” because he associated one of the street’s intersecting near Hooters with the eatery. I don’t guess you’d be surprised to know that the intersection was known as “Hooters’ Intersection.” Yes, my husband has an obsession with Hooters, and I bet you can guess why.
While we lived in Clarksville, an overpass for the 101st Airborne was built over Wilma Rudolph Blvd to ease traffic congestion. We had a conversation about this road construction one day while out and about, and ever after that, the overpass was dubbed the “Decongestion By-Pass.”
All roads that make a circle of sorts from I-24 at Exit 4 in Tennessee to I-24 at Exit 86 in Kentucky are, according to him, “Wilma Rudolph.” Yes, the road named Wilma Rudolph runs from I-24 until it becomes College Street at the traffic light where Kraft Street intersects it. Then, College St. becomes Second Avenue; Second Avenue becomes Providence, and finally, Providence becomes Ft Campbell Blvd, but all of that to my husband is “Wilma Rudolph.”
One day, the hubby was telling me something about a gas station, and he identified the gas station as the “Mapco on Wilma Rudolph.” I was extremely confused because at that time, and for many years to come, there wasn’t a Mapco on Wilma Rudolph. After much frustration, I finally came to understand that he was talking about the Dodge Store on Ft. Campbell Blvd. Duh! Why couldn’t I understand that? (Cue sarcasm) Of course, the names and locations are so similar, it was easy for him to confuse, right? One thing is for sure, if he had ever needed to tell me where to meet him in case of an emergency and did not want anyone else to know where that would be, the Mapco on Wilma Rudolph would have been the place.
He does not reserve his renaming for roads, intersections, and businesses. As a general rule, we watch the nightly local news on WSMV (channel 4) in Nashville, and he has renamed many of the news professionals. Two of the female meteorologists have been renamed. One has been dubbed “Kay” because he thinks she favors my former Head of School, and the other is “The Vampire” because one night she had on an outfit with a high collar that made him think of her as a lovely female vampire. One reporter is simply “my (meaning the hubby’s) girlfriend” because he finds her very attractive, though he did say he’d have to behave around her, or she’d hurt him (she is a plus-size girl).
One day the HH was laughing his head off while watching the news, and I did not understand why. He then pointed out to me that “The Vampire” was doing the weather from the Red Cross building while promoting a blood drive. It just confirmed his renaming choice.
My husband even renames weather systems. If you live in the United States, you most likely have experienced the extreme cold this winter has brought because of Arctic Clippers and another phenomenon known as a Polar Vortex. According to my husband, the Polar Vortex is the “Arctic Complex.”
If you are unsure of the words to a song, don’t worry. My dear hubby will give his teenage-boy version of most any song. For example, in the song “Winter Wonderland,” instead of “Parson Brown,” it is “parched and brown.” Many of the examples I could share would probably be to risqué to write here, so just use your imagination.
Finally, if my hubby can’t come up with the right name, or a new name for something, then it is the “thing.” One night a couple of months ago, he told me that he needed “the thing to make the thing do the thing.” That hit me as so funny that I laughed until I cried and nearly wet my pants because he was so serious about what he was telling me even though it did not make a lick of sense.
Yes, this is life with my HH. It is never dull.